As a result of childhood and/or lifetime dramas, we often acquire habits, traits, triggers to certain stimuli, especially when in a special relationship with others. I am no exception, as I and partners have witnessed. I apologize to those I have hurt and forgive what I’ve perceived as hurt put upon me. I apologize for all misguided and acquired tendencies in relationship with others and how any of this may have affected my children. I seek to make peace with my tendency to “defend” my behavior.
At this point in my life I know who I am and of my own value. I seek to let go of the fears, the “afraid ofs”, that show up and undermine my relationship with others, tripping me up to my own detriment.
Below is a list of common “afraid ofs” which I and others have witnessed in ourselves and our partners. I invite you to add any that come to mind from your own experience and include an alternative positive behavior. Also, please feel free to offer corrections and/or suggestions to what I have included here.
Peter
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Afraid of being alone – Taking advantage of alone time, when available
Afraid of not having enough alone time – Being clear when in need of alone time
Afraid of not being good enough – If I’m not good enough, I’m with the wrong partner
Afraid of not being enough – I can only be the best version of myself
Afraid of being too much – It’s up to my partner to let me know if I am being so
Afraid of losing her/him – Holding fear of this can only make the likelihood of such a loss more possible
Afraid of her/him being too clingy – Always strive to let my partner know of my intentions and feelings for her/him
Afraid of being judged for what I do or say – I have no control over what judgments others pass
Afraid of being too judgmental – Be aware of any tendency I have to judge others
Afraid of not being accepted – I’m not going to be accepted by everyone
Afraid of not taking enough time alone in Nature – Spend the time I need alone in Nature
Afraid of my partner resenting me for taking alone time in Nature – Make sure my partner knows that my alone time in Nature is not against our time together
Afraid of my partner not getting enough alone time in Nature – It’s up to my partner to determine how much alone time she/he requires and up to me to respect that
Afraid of not being invited by my partner to join her/him in Nature – It’s up to my partner to invite me and up to me to respect how I conduct myself in this shared space
“There are only two emotions: love and fear. All positive emotions come from love, all negative emotions from fear. From love flows happiness, contentment, peace, and joy. From fear comes anger, hate, anxiety and guilt. It’s true that there are only two primary emotions, love and fear. But it’s more accurate to say that there is only love or fear, for we cannot feel these two emotions together, at exactly the same time. They’re opposites. If we’re in fear, we are not in a place of love. When we’re in a place of love, we cannot be in a place of fear.”
Elisabeth Kubler Ros